my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize