we made out on top of his cat.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize