You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize