So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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