ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
