I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
