you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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