Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
