I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
