a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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