Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
