I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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