How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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