I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Plan B is the new Plan A
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
