i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize