you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
