He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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