Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
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