he wants to bone in the snuggie
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
