I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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