Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
