I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
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