my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
