Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
