My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
