Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
