he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
