Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
