i already hear my dad disowning me
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
