highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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