part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
