he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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