Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
