I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
