drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
