Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
