I didn't shave. On purpose
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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