she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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