If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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