It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
