THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
