So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Four minutes until I can fart!
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
