he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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