ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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