I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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