She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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