I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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