i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
