It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
