you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
