Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
