I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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