is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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