is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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