At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
