This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
