I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
