So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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