Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
