Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
