I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i just google imaged poop.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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