Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
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