Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
