Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
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