Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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