She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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