I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
