dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
