Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
