I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Randomize
