you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
