Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'm both gender and math confused
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