12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
